Sitting in my hostel in Bucharest at our debrief. Thinking a lot about last month and how in the hard times - God is always there, always faithful and always has something for us. Do we always choose His way though?
So I left you last with an honest blog of being so homesick. I got comfy last month of sinking into the sickness. I got comfy with being lazy. I decided that I didn't like this month- "I don't like this ministry!", "I want to be in Honduras!", " I don't know how to build houses", " I hate sanding", " I cant plaster a stupid wall", " I am for people" - these are the things that went through my mind!!
Quite frankly I was in a downer and my attitude sucked!
The culture in Romania is so different from Central America. In Romania the people are so reserved. We had spent 3 months with smiling faces and being excepted as family, to people that were more cold and kept there distance.
You could feel a different atmosphere, a different culture. This was culture shock!
So during this funk I was in, I was sitting in the dining room when a guy called John came in and said." I am here with a bus to go to church if you would like to go?" I had heard talk about us going to a youth service and through the whole day I was saying " Nah! I am not going". But when he came, for some weird reason something inside me screamed that I had to go! Probably my spirit because honestly I was drying up! I ran and got a jumper and before I knew it I was on the way to church.
We entered the church and it was full of young people. The music started, which was a lot of Hillsong, only in Romanian. For the first time in that month God started to speak so clearly. I looked around me and I experienced true freedom. These young people were jumping, they were dancing and praising God. They were full of joy and full of real thankfulness. It made me think about their country and how they have been out of communism for 20 odd years but in so many ways their country is in so much bondage and oppression. These people had true freedom and it wasn't just because their country was free but it was because they had Christ
I thought about me- how in Scotland I have always had my freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom to choose what I believe. I have had the freedom to choose to be truly free yet this whole month I was choosing to be in prison. Shutting myself down and not wanting to be present. Where is the freedom in being miserable? What right do I have to be miserable? Who am I to choose not to give my all to God? I realised that even in the hard times even when you are at the lowest of lows and feel like you cant go on any longer- That is when we need to choose to get up and go for God, because at the end of the day, no matter how I am feeling, He always deserves the Glory! He died so that I can be free-so I never have the excuse to not glorify him even when my emotions are crazy.
The funniest thing is I am such a positive person and I hate being negative! I hate being in a downer so why was I letting it happen to me? Why was I giving satan a foothold?
God broke me that night! He spoke so clear to me and changed my attitude in so many levels. I started to go to every youth service that was on.I started to hang out with some of the guys from the Church. I started to pray for the things that annoyed me and upset me. I turned everything into prayer and He started to change my heart! I may not have grown to love the construction but I saw the great purpose behind it. I say that my oxygen is for people and relationships- this ministry may not be connecting with the person , but it sure is for people and relationships. Building a home for a family - thats building a future for relationship!
Friends from salem church in romania :)
I am not saying it is easy to change your attitude and get out of the funk, but some times we need to see the bigger picture! We need to see that God is always showing us something. I knew God did not send me to Romania to be miserable or useless! I believe he has something for me in every single country I go to. Sometimes we need to get out of the sickness and run to Him. He is all we have to cling on to. One thing I know for fact is that when we truly cling to Him and nothing else then we are free! Lets not miss out on what God has for us because we are too wrapped up in ourselves!
One day I was going to a church picnic and I said to God-" God I don't know the people very well so I am going to give this day to you. If you have conversations that I need to have then make them happen"
I got 3 different conversations with people. This made me so Happy :)
None of them were because I tried- all of them happened because God arranged it!
me, suzy and alys talking with Mihai
One of the conversations was with a guy named Mihai (Michael) - He came up to me and said he loved my tattoos - he then showed me his tattoo which was a scene from the movie "requiem for a dream". I said "wow - why did you chose to get this?"
this is what mihai had tattood on his back.
He told us that he had been a heroin addict for 12 years - he shared with me a little about his life and the struggles he has had. The judgement people were giving him. The addiction he struggled with. He then told me he got clean through teen challenge :). He is now clean and studying at bible school. He talks about how he struggles with people still judging him but how he knows that he is loved and he knows to love those that has hurt him.
This was a changed man. His dream is to start a teen challenge is Oradea :)
A man that once was trying so hard to kill himself through drug addiction is now living and having dreams to help those who have been where he was!
Honestly it blew my mind! Meeting changed people is a joy!
We were able to pray for him and encourage him in his dreams.
That night I was so thankful to God! I thought " God if I was still dwelling in my stinking attitude then I would never have had the conversations I had today" That may seem like a simple conversation but we have no idea what we are impacting in people or even better what they are impacting in us!
Thank you Jesus :)
So don't miss the opportunity! Choose joy, choose to live in the freedom He has given us! I know thats easier to say than do and I am not saying that the hard times wont come because they will haha! These 4 months have been the hardest of my life but they have been the most rewarding and challenging and it is changing me!
So I am choosing to live in the freedom He has gave me!
So I am now currently in Romania - its 2.09AM and my time clock is crazy and all over the place. We had been travelling for a full 4 days with a new team and have been living here since Tuesday but still I do not feel fully settled. This has nothing to do with the conditions! haha! We are living the life of comfort - staying in a big country house hotel that has beds and hot water.... Crazy how I would trade it all to be back in my tent sleeping on the floor with our cold showers in Honduras.
Romania is awesome . Even though its nothing like Scotland in so many ways it reminds me so badly of home! So far being here has been very hard and difficult for me :( I am trying so hard to stay present and focused on what I am here for and what we are here to do but its hard when you are feeling so emotional and homesick! The last 2 weeks have been some of the hardest and most emotional days I have experienced on the race.
(view from our house in Romania)
Here are some of the reasons why things have been tough
* Being in a place that feels close to home
* Weather that is just like scotland
* Team changes
* Being split from someone in your old team that was your solid rock through everything
* An awesome team friend being sent home because she broke her arm
* Most of all- leaving Honduras
* Leaving the boys
* Leaving Carlos :(
Leaving Honduras almost killed me and broke my heart! I cried in the days leading up till we had to go and it was a hard and rocky week for me. When the final day came for leaving , things were o.k - I had my moment with Carlos where he took me on the bus and gave me a letter and a teddy bear - it broke me- I clung on to him so tightly and we both sobbed! Carlos has completely stolen my heart and leaving him was one of the hardest things I have ever done. After our moment God gave me a peace and there was not many tears after it - yes I was sad but I was not an emotional wreck the way I worried I would be. I believe he gave me this peace that reassured me that I was going to be back, that I will see Carlos again. I thank God so much for it because if he hadn't have gave me it then leaving Carlos and the rest of the boys would have been a different story! Me and Carlos
I think part of me finding it hard to be here in Romania also is because I am not in Honduras! Something crazy happened to me. For the first time in my life I could see myself being somewhere other than scotland. Being in Honduras is the only place that I haven't felt a bit of home sickness. It scares me because I feel like honduras is the place God is calling me back to but at the same time it brings complete joy at the thought of being back at Zions Gate and working with 2 incredible people like Tony and Nidia and living with the boys.
My pastor says " If your dreams don't scare you then your not dreaming big enough."
Is this the dream? Have I found my purpose that God has called me to be? I really believe he has! Its exciting and crazy all at the same time!
I believe I have to keep running this race and seek God. I believe these 11 months for me is not only for reaching his people but also to go on an adventure together and for me to know more of Him and go through things on this race that will equip me one day for returning to Honduras!
So right now I am missing my home in scotland and also missing my second home in Honduras! I am a little fragile and need his strength so much! Please pray for me. I need to get out of this state and look forward to the future knowing that one day I will be home, but for now I must be present because people are waiting for me in the next 8 countries! God is waiting for me! Honduras is waiting!
Just to keep you all updated -: I am in a new team called Battle cry with Katie Howard, Aisha Davis, Emily Hix, Ryan Miller, Mark Rowdon and as our team leader - Ashley Sisk They are an amazing group of people :) Things are still very new for us - we start ministry fully next Tuesday where we are here in Romania building homes for couples that adopt orphans. It's an awesome ministry!
Here is the website- www.caminulfelix.com
Just on the bus going back to zions gate our ministry contact in honduras. I am Sitting blaring some jesus culture with herman sleeping beside me with his head hanging out the bus window. I am weak and tired been doing a 24 hour food fast.. I am physically tired and drained but spiritually at rest and having an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness. Just returning back from a 4 day trip in the island of roatan. I have had a beautiful weekend and it will be one i will cherish for the rest of my life!
Hugh an awesome squad mate of mine announced at the beginning of the month that his uncle lives on the island and he pitched the idea of taking a group of us out to roatan also including a few boys from honduras that live with tony! I m so blessed that i was able to be part of this group and able to go!
Roatan is one of the most beautiful islands in the world with clear blue oceans, pure white sand, glorious sunshine, 2nd biggest reef in the world and amazing scenery and wildlife! These are not the only reasons that the trip was so special and memorable. The reason the trip was one of the best was because we got to take and bless 5 honduran boys that have never seen or been to anything like this island! The boys we took were herman, walter,ariel,ronni and christopher. christopher still lives in los pinos and is badly addicted to drugs he has been clean for 3 weeks in the hope that he can show tony that he is ready to come and change his life and live with him. Christopher is also Carlos and Fernando's brother. Christopher lives by himself in los pinos he is lonely and doesn't have anyone - pray that he can stay clean and can live with tony. That his life will dramatically change! That he will find God!
Some of these boys have never even been out of the country never mind going to an exotic island! This trip blew me away so i wonder what on earth it done for them!
Seeing their faces in the boat trip was amazing - tony and the boys got the best seat in the whole boat- the very front, they sat on the stairs and let the breeze blow by them. Haha let me just tell you that this was the worst boat ride I've ever been on the sea was very choppy and the boat was going up and down diving in the waves and out - it was the constant feeling of dipping, like being on the longest roller coaster of your life lol and while people were spewing off the side and into bags there was the boys at the very front loving every minute of the ride! It was just the beginning of an exciting adventurous weekend!
We arrived at Hugh's uncles house which is a beautiful big beach house- his back door goes directly on to the beach. Staying their alone was a blessing and had such beauty... To wake up every morning to the sound and smell of the ocean and the breathtaking view! The boys even slept outside on the balcony!
The first day we went to the beach and enjoyed the sun sea and sand! The boys loved it! Hugh's uncle works on the beach - he has a business that takes people out snuba diving (similar to scuba diving except the tanks are on a raft at the surface) he does different tours on the island and has a big fun water aqua slide in the sea ( which the boys loved) . So the next blessing we had was Hugh's uncle taking us all out snuba diving - this was an awesome experience for me! Something you might not know about me but i love anything to do with under the sea! I love fish,sharks,jelly fish, sea horses,crabs,the coral... Everything!!! But another thing about me is that i am not a strong swimmer and i have always feared going into the deep ocean but i decided to do it - i was getting a thing that should cost around $80 for $3 lol the price of oxygen in our tank.. Blessed?? YES!' the experience was out of this world - nothing like it - under the sea truly is a whole new world! It was an incredible experience and these boys got to experience this too :) this was a weekend of conquering 1 of my biggest fears! I believe its God that is changing me to no longer fear the things of this world! He has me.
The second day i got to go to the church service which was at a hotel resort on the beach - had an awesome church service that was done by americans which meant the service was in english and so was the music :) it was great to be in fellowship with other christians and having a great message that i could understand :) i came out buzzing!
We then went to the beach for a while then went to the park where we got to see monkeys,parrots and iguanas :) it was a great experience! The boys loved it and had an awesome time.... Their faces were priceless and full of so much joy!!
That night we spent on the beach watched the beautiful sunset. We went out for dinner and had a great time dancing to the live band and watching a fire show- it was incredible and very impressive!
The next morning everyone done their own thing - i went for coffee, some went snorkelling, some chilled at the beach house and the boys went back to the beach with tony - they spent their last morning together enjoying the ocean and their last swim together!
We are now on our way back- 7 hour bus trip back to the city- has the long travel days been worth this weekend??? - YES- worth every minute! We are all exhausted and Hugh has been asking them their most favourite parts of the trip - it has been a joy listening to the boys experiences and hearing how they loved the different activities and how they have experienced some things for the very first time! Our prayer has been that these boys will have experienced a new world- there is more out there to just Los Pinos - there is a world waiting for them and with God all and anything is possible for them!
Being able to take the boys and seeing them experience this time and to share it with them has been one of the greatest and most memorable times of my life! I thank God greatly for this amazing blessing :) He is so good!
I have arrived safely in Honduras. I have been here at our new ministry for 1 week and all I can ay is “I am in Love” – in love with the country, in love with the ministry and in love with the boys! Let me tell you a bit more about the ministry. (this blog is a little longer compared to others but please have a read)
We are living with Tony and his wife Nidia – they run the ministry here called Zion Gate ministries. Tony is an American man that came to Honduras for a short mission trip he then returned later to work along side a pastor for 6 months. On the 2nd month the Pastor asked him “ are you going to go back to America or are you going to stay” Tony knew what he meant and before he knew it he was answering” yes, I am going to stay”. Tony returned to America and sold up everything and came to Honduras to start his new life here. Tony has been living here for 5 years and has been married to Nidia for 3 years. Tony is a man full of compassion, he has the heart of Christ! The minute I heard what this man was doing my heart started to race and pound for the work he was doing! Words in this blog can not even begin to tell you the amount this couple do!
Tony and Nidia open their home to street boys.
He goes into Los Pinos one of the roughest and poorest areas in Honduras – this is where the gangs live, where drugs are dealt and where people are being murdered. He goes into Los Pinos and builds relationships up with the people. He has been given a huge heart for teenage boys that are facing struggles or on the street.
The story’s he has told about the boys are heartbreaking, unbelievable and amazing. Currently he has 11 boys living with him in his own home. We are living in a building that is on Tony’s land which is literally 1 minute away from his house – so we also are living alongside these boys! I love every one of these boys for different reasons and every boy is so individual.
Here is a little about the boys that live here…
Carlos:-
Even when I think bout Carlos and sit here writing this, I cant help but smile! I know we are not meant to have our favorites but its happened – I am in Love with Carlos! Carlos is 14 years old and was on the streets. Tony said he would always see Carlos on the street and he would always stop to talk to him he would invite Carlos to the morning breakfast programs that Tony done at the time with the boys. Carlos would always say he would come but he never did. One day Tony saw a boy lying on the street and then he realized it was Carlos – Carlos realized it was Tony, he ran to Tony an flung his arms around him. Tony spoke with Carlos and as always invited him to the breakfast program knowing that he probably wouldn’t show up. Tony went to go on with his day he got in his car and had a written list of what he had to do that he day. He brought the list out and tore it up and went back for Carlos – he took Carlos out for lunch and spent a few hours with him getting to know him. The next morning Carlos was there at the morning breakfast program. Carlos now lives with Tony.
When we arrived in Honduras Tony told us about Carlos he said that Carlos would not be out the house because of his behavior. But if we wanted to visit Carlos then we were more than welcome. On the 2nd day my team went to Tony’s house to clean up, this is where I met Carlos. He through himself on top of me and started to tickle me – that moment we became good friends J That same night we watched 2 movies together he cuddled into me and eventually fell asleep in my arms. I realized that behind the rough teenage street boy that is always playing tricks on people and always up to mischief, that really he was just a wee boy that longed to be loved and have someone to just spend some time with him watching cartoons and movies. Carlos is one of the funniest boys I have ever met – he is constantly playing tricks on people and always up to mischief. Wild child does not even begin to explain how crazy he is – He is a fire ball J I love it!!
He is also a very loving boy – everyday I get a hug and a kiss, he tells me that I am beautiful and that he loves me (even when I am covered head to toe in dirt). Carlos loves to make popcorn – he is using it as a small business for some pocket money J I had the privilege of assisting him on his very first night of making it J We had so much fun and he was super excited about it! Carlos can be a handful but I am praying for him and with him every night – I pray that he will never change his personality and that God will use him and his funny sense of humor and crazy bursts of energy to be a strong man of God that will influence others with his strong personality.
Carlos is deeply on my heart- please be praying for him.
Fernando:-
Also Carlos’s brother Fernando lives at Tony’s house. Fernando is a beautiful 13 year old boy who is also very mischievous, funny and super cute. Fernando loves to make cookies and also sells them for pocket money (they are delicious). He loves to ride his bike and wrestle everyone. He has constant energy and just like his brother he is a fireball. If you get to know him or spend a little time with him he will soon be on your lap cuddling into you.
Herman:-
Herman is a 17 years old. Herman is a funny guy who is very loving and caring- he will walk round the full room of 40 people and shake every guys hand and kiss every girl on the cheek. He loves to learn English and yearns to have more conversation with people. Only 6 months ago Herman was living in Los Pinos and was badly addicted to paint thinner and weed. Tony said he would come up to the car window holding a rag covered in paint thinner up his nose and would be so high that he could hardly have a conversation. Herman is now clean and is living for God. He has had his struggles with the addiction but right now he is doing really good! The other day he had a conversation with one of the boys that lives here called Mario (Mario is 14 and is battling the addiction of smoking weed) Herman said to him “ let me ask you something- do you like smoking weed more than living here at Tony’s? Because I liked smoking weed but I had to make the choice that I wanted to live here – living here is better than smoking weed! You need to make a choice”. That is powerful talk! Herman whether he realizes it or not is a role model – the boys look up to him.
Please pray for Herman that he will never lose sight of God and that his love and desires for God will grow deeper and stronger every single day! I pray that he will be the light in Los Pinos That he can be a living testimony to the boys that are still their and still stuck in the dark.
Ronnie and Ariel:- Ariel
Ronnie
Ronnie and Ariel are brothers – they are both very different and have different personalities. One thing that they both have in common is their huge friendly smiles. They both have smiles that will light up the whole room. They are both very handsome boys and are very loving and caring in their own ways.
When we arrived we were all sitting and Tony was telling us about his ministry and a little about the boys lives (we only know a little of their story because Tony does not want to tell their story – it is their story so if they wish to share they can do it”. Shortly after that Ronnie walked in – Tony said something in Spanish and Ronnie said Yes. What Tony said was so unexpected… “His Dad committed suicide 2 days ago”. I couldn’t believe it these boys are the strongest boys I have ever met. If my dad had committed suicide there is no way I would be standing their welcoming 40 strangers- I would be in pieces, a total wreck! But there he was standing and getting on with life!
The next day I sat with Ariel we spoke in broken Spanish and English and using many charades. He told me that his favorite subjects are music and Spanish, he loves the colors pink and black, his favorite number is 7, his favorite food and drink is chicken and pepsi.We sat and got to know each other. He then said that his dad died 2 days ago. At that moment I wanted to cry – I took his hands and looked him in the eyes and said “I am so sorry” he then hugged me so tightly, then smiled and said “it’s o.k” He is only 16 and has just lost his Dad and he is telling me that “it’s o.k” he is getting on with life – still going to school, making small talk with strangers. I am serious these boys are strong young men! Please pray for Ronnie and Ariel – pray for their future. Pray that they will be strong in God and never lose sight.
This is only a few of the boys- I will maybe write about more at a later date. One thing I can say about every boy is that they are all very affectionate. Loving and caring. They love physical touch and the feeling of a hug. I believe its because they never had much of his growing up. Knowing that I can be there to give a hug and a smile makes me happy. I am happy for once that the language barrier has not annoyed me or frustrated me – there is so much you can know about someone when you just stop and give your time to them. Whether its sitting in silence, giving a hug or watching a cartoon. It’s the simple things that they cherish the things that mean the most- Love and time!
I am in love with these boys and I didn’t need Spanish for that to happen.
Please pray for them all. They have went through real hard and rough situations at a very young age. We have been given little glimpses of their lives but their story’s go much deeper and darker that we will ever know. Thank god that he has saved these precious boys. Thank God for willing hearts like Tony and Nidia for opening their home to not only help the boys but to open their very own home and have the boys living with them.
Please pray for Tony and Nidia – pray for their new marriage, pray for strength, pray for wisdom, pray for energy – what they are doing is not easy!
They face challenges every day with a house full of 11 boys that are all going through different and hard situations plus 2 volunteers 1 baby and 40 radical world racers.
For me this is truly seeing the heart and love of Christ working through Tony and Nidia.
Its Beautiful!
Explode my Soul
Explode my Soul- Jonathan David and Melissa Helser band ( album- Off the shores)
I just downloaded this new album. I had heard Priscilla playing it and loved the sound of it, so I went ahead and got it. I had heard it but I hadn't really listened to it.
Got into bed and if I am honest I was feeling like crap. I had been having an off day. I was low. I was having thoughts of wanting to be home. Satan was attacking me at his best with his lies of identity and self worth.
I put in my ear phones and started to listen to the album. The lights were off the sound was up and then came on this song - explode my soul.
I swear the minute I heard those words... Whisper my name - I swear, I was not In That bedroom- I was 1 million miles away from that room and in this new realm of peace. He was with me. I could feel Him so strong! I never ever wanted the power of His peace to leave me! He took every negative feeling I had and shattered them! I swear it was like my soul had exploded with his peace! My body no longer felt attached - it was insane!
It reminded me that He is with me. He is concerned when I feel sad,low or insecure. He shows up to me when I feel like this. I was reminded that when I said that I trusted him it meant I, trusted him in everything - even my emotional needs,thoughts and feelings.
I am so thankful to my lord :) He is with me. He is taking care of me! He brings me joy, peace and love! I no longer fear and I swear the power He has is crazy!
Falling more and more in love and yearning for more of Him!
His power is blowing me away!
Explode my soul - if you can download it ... Do it!! Its Excellent and changed me!!
Whisper my name, so only I can hear
Call to my heart, chase away my fears
Stand up in this place, fight for the one you love
Won't you come surround me, so I can rise above.
Explode my soul, let these walls come down.
All these prison thoughts crumble with the sound
Of my deliverance from my enemies.
I stand up beside you, let's watch these giants flee.
Let the silence be broken, and the winter be done.
Will you come out of your hiding, kiss me sweet warm sun.
Let the wind of your spirit blow the dust off my feet.
I ran to you broken but now I am complete.
Explode my soul, let these walls come down.
All these prison thoughts crumble with the sound
Of my deliverance from my enemies
I stand up beside you, let's watch these giants flee.
Hello Promise Land, we've waited for so long.
To see what we've believed in, to sing this Promise Land song.
Explode my soul, explode with praise
What he promised is what he gave.
I feel the wind in my lungs and hope in my veins
Being in El Salvador has been a different experience! As you all know being in Guatemala was ministry after ministry and we constantly had things to be doing and places to be. In El Salvador it has been a bit more laid back. We are staying with a lady called Lupe - we call her Mamma Lupe. She is probably one of the most kindest and caring people I have ever met! Her house is situated in the city and has a different feel to Guatemala - it is more noisy here and more of the busy lifestyle! There is more things to find that remind us of home! Our week has not been jam packed infact we have had a lot of free time... I feel this has been a month of letting our team grow and bond together!
Tuesday- school- ( from pre school age - high school age) We have been going and doing 2 different programmes - one for the middle school age and one for the high school age! This for me has been an awesome time- my heart goes out to the youth! Being able to share who I once was and how God has changed me from the inside out is precious to me! I pray that what we tell them will stick and that they will chose God instead of sex,drugs and gangs!
Tuesday afternoon- free.
Tuesday night- cell group at Starbucks :) We have had some great times at this cell group we meet with mama lupes 2 friends, drink excellent coffee have worship and go through a Bible study together :)
Wednesday- Fusate -which is an old folks home. We thought this would be a ministry working with the old people, but actually we have been there doing a lot of cleaning- scrubbing floors,walls and windows. You can either have a stinking attitude and wonder why am I here scrubbing every other day or you can come in and see it as someones home that you want to make nice for them. I choose the second attitude! We have had some fun times while cleaning :)
Wednesday Night- Free.
Thursday- Fusate- back at the home for more cleaning :)
Thursday afternoon/night- normally free
Friday- Free day/ day off- celebrating Marks birthday- movie,pizza and ice-cream :) One day we went to visit an awesome Volcano :) We also went to massive waterfalls - it was an incredible day - I used to see places like this on Bear Grylls, Planet Earth or National Geographic and now I am actually seeing it in real life! I am blessed!!
Saturday- Kids ministry - Putting on kids programmes for kids in small villages and communities. Singing songs, doing dramas and playing games! We have had awesome times on our saturdays! Saturday night- Free
Sunday- (The day of rest haha!) Sunday we are out from 7am - 7pm so this is our longest day! We start off by going to church then straight after we go to a village which is a beautiful 2 hour drive away! When we get there it is like going back in time- this is where the poor people are - the difference is crazy! We go to a church in the morning which is beautiful- big, seats hundreds, awesome band and media, to a church that has a metal roof, no walls and picnic chairs. The church only has about 3 family's that go, but God is moving! It showed me how we do not need a big fancy building for a church ( not that there is anything wrong with a great building) but it goes to show that we don't need such things to spread the gospel. All we need is a place to meet and someone willing to share! Being at the villages has been a special time for me- we go and visit families in their homes before the service - I cannot speak a word of spanish but being in their company and smiling,laughing and praying for these people is all we need to communicate because Jesus is there and HE does the rest- love has no barriers!
El salvador has been an awesome time - at first I struggled with missing Guatemala and being home sick. I also felt guilty for all the free time we had wondering if we were doing enough? Are we doing enough ministry? Are we impacting enough?
Last Saturday Mama Lupe came in from the end of her day and had bought pizza for dinner - she then let on at the end of her day that it was her birthday! We could not believe it!! We were annoyed because we had no card or cake for her! This is the kind of lady she is- putting herself before others even on her birthday! We started to ask her questions about her birthdays in the past and what her favourite one was - she said that she loved this one! We were laughing because we hadn't done anything- she started to cry and told us that for the first time in 18 years she had people living in her house and that it was no longer empty- she said she was full of joy and happy! At that moment I think we were all in tears... I realised that the whole time of being here and wondering what has our greatest ministry been - that it has been her!!
How we will leave her with knowing that I do not know!
"God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!" .... Ephesians 3v 20 :)
I am fully funded!!! Never in my wildest dreams did i think i would be fully funded in month 2 of the race!! God has blown me away and i am actually speechless with how amazing God is! A lot of you will know that it took me a long time to apply for the race i put it on hold for different reasons and one of the biggest reasons was that i didn't believe I could ever make this kind of money!! I don't come from a rich family where i can just say- can you help me by supplying me with $15,500!! I didn't have a job which made a crazy amount of money that could take care of this cost! I knew that when I applied it was applying in faith and knowing that GOd had to supply my every need! I worried about money and it took me 6 months to apply for the race. one day i was sitting in my work office and i was praying to God specifically about the race i started to say "i trust you"i must have repeated it about 10 times I knew the holy spirit was there it was such an emotional time and at that moment he said" if you really trust me dani then why haven't you applied?" I knew I couldn't go on any longer and if i didn't apply I was being disobedient! I applied that very night and when I did I knew that this was me putting my full trust in Him!
Everywhere I went I would speak out that my money would come! When people asked how I would make this money I would talk about how i trusted Him!
I truly believe that every time I spoke out about this money being provided it was making it real and i have truly seen before my eyes what faith really is and the answer of prayer!
The amazing thing about my funds is that a lot of people I least expected to give to me gave and the people i thought would maybe help didn't and it blew me away because our expectations can be completely off the mark and i believe God has used that to show me not to trust in my own instincts but to trust completely on His!
I can not believe that I am fully funded God is truly amazing! I challenge anyone who is going through anything, doesn't need to just be financial but can be anything that you struggle with in life- just trust God with it! There comes a time you need to hand the whole situation into His hands - believe me its much easier letting God take care of it than you trying to make it work on your own!
God is rocking my world and I will never stop thanking Him for everything he has done :) I am excited to see the awesome things He does when we have faith!
To all of my supporters- wow what can I say? Thank you ,Thank you, Thank you!!!!
I Thank God that He chose you to help me run this race :) whether you gave me £1 or you gave me £1000 - you got me here! Every single donation I got no matter how big or little its why I am here! I Will never stop being thankful for you giving :) God bless you!!
Please continue to pray for my squad mates - pray that they will reach their next deadline!! Pray that they too will soon be fully funded! Please just pray in general for my race that God will be with us and lead us in everything we do!
Also to let you know quickly - I have arrived in El Salvador safely :) I shall blog about my time in El Salvador when I am more settled into the ministry :)
Love Dani xx
I have a crazy feeling in my eyes. An overwhelming feeling of sadness in my spirit. My stomach is tossing and turning with uneasiness. I am feeling homesick before I have even left! Homesick for a country that is not even my own!!
I cant even express the full words that I am feeling at this moment in time.
It is our last day in Guatemala and I am not ready to leave!
In the background i can hear crying i got up to see if someone was hurt and found andrea a beautiful friend of mine that works with the ministry sobbing because we were leaving! :( it broke my heart to see her so upset :( i told her that this was just the beginning of our friendship!!
The world race is bitter sweet!!!!
Yes I am happy that I am going to the next country. Yes I am so blessed that God has given me the opportunity to go to not just one country but eleven! But I was not prepared for this heart break! Can I do this eleven times? I have heard people who have went on the word race say " my heart was broken" lol I was not expecting it to be broken like this - I never gave much thought that the connections we make , we will leave behind!
Today our dear friend binjamin came and said he got time off his work so that he could come and say goodbye to us. It spoke volumes to us! He sat with us,shared with us,prayed for us and loved on us! He is probably one of the most genuine guys I have ever met! We all cried and when he left there was a huge lump in my throat and a heavy tug in my heart! This was our first goodbye and we have many more to come - i realised I was so attached with this place and the people!
I knew it wasn't going to be easy but wow this is crazy hard!!
I don't know if i will feel like this every month or if God has put Guatemala on my heart- maybe one day I have to come back and continue Gods work here! I don't know the answers but I trust God with my future! Its hard to leave but i must press on and keep running this race!
I can safely say that Guatemala will have a piece of my Heart forever!!
Monday night we go to the park to play basket ball and just hang out at the park with whoever is around. We have discovered that an incredible bunch of teenage guys meet here and do break dancing. A few of us walked up and sat where they were dancing and watched. As the night went on they started including us ..by the end of the night a few of us were up trying to learn some simple steps. Of course i failed but i had millions of fun!! For the last 2 weeks we have been there and trying to learn some steps! These young men have huge talent and a passion for dancing - they light up the whole place! They have a place in my heart - my heart goes out to teenagers - it is not easy at that age and i wonder what it must be like being a teenager in guatemala? I bet it is a whole lot different from growing up in Sco Every tland! These guys are a joy to be around and i think to myself if they had Jesus then how many lives would they impact? Probably very many!! I believe a group of guys like this could impact a place like puerto barrios!!
Sadly i have not been able to communicate with these guys the way i would like. Yes we can dance together and laugh together but to actually have a conversation is very difficult!! Normally Hilda would be with us and she is so gifted at speaking to everyone she meets and she truly connects with people! Hilda was there last week and i noticed that when all the guys left to go home this one guy called Jeffrey stayed by himself, Hilda spoke to him for a good half hour. I am not sure what was said but i could see deep thought going through his head. Last night when we went the same thing happened, everyone left and he was the last guy there. He just sat himself. I wondered why he never went with his friends. Hilda was not with us so she was unable to speak to jeffrey :( this made me so sad and i got very frustrated with myself because for the first time communication was a problem. I tried asking him some things and he just smiled and shrugged his shoulders ( he didn't have a clue what i was saying). My friend pricilla came over and sat with me and she noticed him sitting and said to me " i feel like he wants to talk" and i said " i know" but none of us were able. I went home feeling so unsettled, useless and uneasy - i feel like ether he was in need of wanting to talk to someone or wanting to know more on what hilda had shared with him the week before or i think there is maybe something that keeps him from wanting to go home. Whatever it was i feel useless that i was unable to know or Ask him :( I keep wondering to myself "what can I do to try and communicate?" We have one more week there with these guys and i am hoping that some how i can communicate so that i can make an impact and show the love of christ! When i got home that night i started to pray for these boys- pray that there would be an easier way to communicate!
Thursday night came and it turned out we were getting to go to the park again which was great and an answer to prayer because a great way for more communication with them is getting to go back again in the same week! We went along and everyone gathered in to where the boys were dancing. Started out like any normal night then before i knew it communication started to happen - more dance moves wee getting tried out and pictures being taken . We started having conversations with them - having fun with them. It was the best night we had with them and i really feel God broke all communication barriers down and brought us together! We managed to get their facebooks and we even gave them a lift home in the van lol - we sang worship songs in the van and they sang along with us- Was a fantastic night and i thank God that we got so much break through! I cant wait to get back there on monday night!! Jeffery was not there so I hope he is there on Monday to see if we are able to speak with him as well.
Please friends and family pray for these young men. Pray that connections will keep being formed through this ministry, that more teams will come and plant more seeds into these young guys lives! Pray that amazing changes in their hearts will take place and that they will long to seek more of God! Please pray for Jeffrey - I have no idea what is going on in his mind or why he hangs around to the last kick but God knows why so pray that we can reach out to him. My heart goes out to these guys and my prayer is that they don't need to go through the struggles of life that many guatemalan teenagers have to go through! I am praying that they will be the new generation for Guatemala!
So its been over 2 weeks in Guatemala. I don't even know how to put in to words everything we have been doing - today my friend pricilla posted a video that she made - snippets of what we have done so far and it blew my mind that we had done it all in one week!! Our days are very long and can be exhausting. we have 3 different things on daily. Here is some of my favourite things that we have done! Piling into a big white transit van with no windows or seats - we drive everywhere with the back doors wide open because of the heat! We have had some musical times in the van some awesome and some just really funny! Holding a girl at the orphanage until she fell asleep on my lap - all she wanted was someone to hold her and love her. Praying for a boy at the back of the children's hospital- he was lonely and shied away from all the other kids- when we approached him he didn't even look at us - i prayed for him not just his illness but that he would not sit himself alone!we left and I was standing in The corridor - he came running out and went to the toilet and ran back in he looked like a completely different boy! Going to the old folks home and seeing the joy in their faces because we had came to visit. The happiness in their faces brought joy to us all! I sat with a lady called maria she sat on her chair hunched over, she stares at the floor and doesn't communicate - i knelt down and started to pray . i Looked into her eyes as i prayed and she was smiling back at me - when i said amen she said amen!! It was a joy see :) Going to minister to the prostitutes was difficult these women are broken, some have a guard up, some are the most friendliest women i have ever met. It breaks my heart that these beautiful women are working everyday in a job that they hate, a job that makes them feel worthless, a job that is killing the real women they are! My heart truly goes out to them because in their eyes they see no other option- most of them have kids that they need to support! Please pray for these ladies that they find christ and that they find new jobs! Going to the dump breaks my heart!! Seeing what families and kids are living in makes me so uneasy! These people are inspirational! They smile and laugh- it made me take a look at my own stinking attitude to some things! I am living like royalty compared to these kids! It truly made my heart melt! Going to hang out with the break dancing guys- my heart goes out to these talented young men and i pray deeply that they can be the new generation for Christ - they could change this city!! I long to connect more - sadly communication has been a barrier for me but luckily dancing is worldwide and we are able to " dance" with them haha at least we try to dance with them - mostly ends with them laughing at us :p Swimming in the waterfalls - some of the most incredible scenery i have ever been in! So refreshing and beautiful! Prayer walks- walking to the mountain top when i am feeling low and not in the mood to pray but i chose to pray until I get breakthrough ,coming back down from the mountain top and I feel like a new women!! God is amazing - thank God that He sent theHoly Spirit so we can have divine connection with Him!! The Beach- swimming in the warm ocean with the beautiful white sands, blue skies, palm trees haha ITS JANUARY!!!! Lol - do i really need to go any further into how awesome that is lol - I am Scottish!! It would never happen there haha Saying hello to everyone we meet :) it brings joy to my life when I see the huge friendly smiles they give to us!! The people of Guatemala are truly beautiful! Please pray for puerto Barrios :) with God all is possible including full cities being revived!!
(view from our house in Romania)
Me and Carlos
Ariel
Ronnie
